Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
