I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
