I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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