FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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