i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
nutella sex= disaster
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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