Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize