Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
