You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
