I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
