I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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