He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
