im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
