He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
