Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
