she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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