pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
