I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
