my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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