i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
time to smoke my breakfast
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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