just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
