do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
