Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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