now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
