cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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