my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The best revenge is premature balding
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
