Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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