im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
