Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
