Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
