do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
