i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
