Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
