Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize