You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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