Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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