Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
