well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
