my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
