My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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