with your own penis?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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