Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
