i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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