I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want a musical about memes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
