Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
