textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
