I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
