You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's great music for shaving your balls
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
