Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
