life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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