IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
