dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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