I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
