I'm jealous of your bromance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
