I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
