Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
