I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
