It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
