Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
