The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
