You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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