Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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