I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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