is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
