This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
